Have you ever experienced this feeling where you sense that your response to the situation was a complete imitation?
An instant sort of self-awareness of the fact that you were unconsciously playing out an act that was not you, an act informed by the behaviour of another person or influence.
It could be that you copied this act from a film, a friend’s mannerisms, a woman walking by on the street, a commercial, …
A detail important in this quite particular moment is that it was the sudden-ness of the act itself unrolling without a conscious decision to do so that served as a shock that awakened you from this automatic act.
The moment of the unconscious act made you conscious of your own unconsciousness by the emotional effect it produced in the noticing.
So if there are acts unconsciously springing from me, who or what is the noticer of these instances?
To me, it feels like there is a more innocent, a purer ‘me’ behind those acts.
This innocence tends to bring about an emotional craving of returning, a melancholy of please allow me, to a realer state of being.
What is in front of this innocent one?
Can I stay in front?